This is for you...

Because I will always care...

My Wish by Rascal Flatts

I hope that the days come easy and the moments pass slow,
And each road leads you where you want to go,
And if you're faced with a choice, and you have to choose,
I hope you choose the one that means the most to you.
And if one door opens to another door closed,
I hope you keep on walkin' till you find the window,
If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile,
But more than anything, more than anything,
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.
I hope you never look back, but ya never forget,
All the ones who love you, in the place you left,
I hope you always forgive, and you never regret,
And you help somebody every chance you get,
Oh, you find God's grace, in every mistake,
And you always give more than you take.
But more than anything, yeah, and more than anything,
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.
This is my wish
I hope you know somebody loves you
May all your dreams stay big

You aren't the same...

It's funny how the changes someone goes through can be so drastic...even though we spoke almost daily I didn't see the change right away. I wish I had. But let me say, "Thanks!" Thanks for helping me realize what I have been taking for granted. This life that I have and my family have been here all along and I thought I was looking for something else. I don't know what it was I thought I was missing, but now that I have opened up my eyes I can see that what was missing was, ME...from my own life. Somewhere along the way, I checked out. I am glad I found my way back and I am checking back in. It's a hard transition, but I am doing it. The only thing I can do is take one day at a time...

Fearless by Colbie Caillat

Sometimes it is someone else's words that can say exactly what's in your heart...


If that's the way you love
You've got to learn so much
If that's the way you say good-bye

And this is how it ends
And I'm alright within
Never going to see me cry
Cause I've cried

So go on go on and break my heart
I'll be okay
There's nothing you can do to me
That's ever going to burn me

So go on go on and leave my love
Out on the street
I'm fearless
Better believe I'm fearless fearless

If this is how it hurts
It couldn't get much worse
If this is how it feels to fall

Then that's the way it is
We live with what we miss
We learn to build another wall
Till it falls

So go on go on and break my heart
I'll be okay
There's nothing you can do to me
That's ever going to burn me

So go on go on and leave my love
Out on the street
I'm fearless
Better believe I'm fearless fearless

If it's between love and losing
To never have known the feeling
And I'm still sad we've loved

And if I end up lonely
At least I will be there knowing
I believe in love

Go on go on break my heart
I'll be okay
I'm fearless
Better believe I'm fearless fearless

Go on go on and break my heart
I'll be okay
There's nothing you can do to me
That's ever going to burn me

So go on go on and leave my love
Out on the street
I'm fearless
Better believe I'm fearless

So go on and leave my love
Go on and leave my love
Go on and leave my love
Better believe i'm fearless fearless
Fearless....

sometimes

The worst place to be is alone in your thoughts. My mind is racing in all of these different directions. This is a dangerous place for me to be because of the anxiety it causes. And most of the time it is unwarranted. It is a crazy and dangerous place...but a place I can't escape from...

Strange, yet familiar...

I often find myself back in this same place, as if traveling in circles along the same path and as I travel along this same path, I encounter the same disappointments and unmet expectations. It makes perfect sense since I haven't made a change in my path to affect the eventual outcome. Wow...

To make any sort of adjustment may have repercussions that affect not only me, but 5 lives around me. How could I be so selfish to even think of causing an upheaval?

It's this rut I am in, that I constantly find myself in. So disappointed in myself for not achieving goals I have set for myself. I am in a self indulgent pity party of one.

AGH! Gotta get out of this funk...

Happy 2010!

We're 5 days in and I feel like we are 5 months in! And I am stuck...so many thoughts swimming in my head and I want to put them all down. But I am stuck in a rut. I've tried numerous times over the past few days to blog about so many things, so many thoughts but I can't find the right words. I've been inspired by someone but at the same time humbled. I think it's the humbled part that makes me feel like I am at a loss for words. So now I am just consumed with trying to sort through these thoughts...maybe later or another day...I was hoping that if I just started typing that something would come to me and I could just go off of that. This is probably my third attempt today at this blog and I don't think I am off to a successful start...hahaha...let me collect these thoughts and get back to you!

Good bye to 2009...

I can't say that it was a great year, and I know that it could have definitely been worse. I still have my family and my health. We have a roof over our heads and hubby and I have jobs...which is more than a lot of people might be able to say.

We have our friends who have been our constant support. Every year we build our roots here we meet more and more people that really become more than just acquaintances. We are blessed.

This past year has been very emotional and painful from the start...and as I am seeing...til the end. We made the very difficult choice to sell our house (at a major loss) and move into a rental. The stress of dealing with our lenders (and a crooked lawyer to whom we lost thousands of $$) for over 18 months is gone. Alleluia!! Now we need to work to get the rest of our lives together to move forward and make more positive changes in our lives!! Last year I learned how to say NO and not be the volunteer junkie I was...I enjoyed every minute of not having my time stretched to the limits and I enjoyed being able to be a parent to my kids. In 2010 hubby and I will work together to get back on our feet so that in the future we can become homeowners again! It is so awesome to think that it is a possibility especially after the year that has passed.

Personally...I am going to try desperately to leave some very emotional scars behind. Over the last few months things have come up that caused me great grief as a teenager. Daily, I feel like I have to tackle these demons that keep haunting me. Each day that passes I think to myself that's one day down. Sometimes it seems like it gets easier, while other days I feel like I can hardly breathe. My husband and my kids keep me going and remind me of this great life and family I have now...all as a result of how I grew up. Everything happens for a reason and I have to remember that. My goal is just to take one day at a time and to remember to breathe. I can't deny the past but I cannot let it consume my life. Here's to looking forward with my hubby, my kids and my friends...Happy New Year!