Wow...

I think I am finally feeling normal again! After months of just feeling off track, I am starting to feel like my life is falling back into place. Thank goodness!! I am still trying to work some stuff out, but I am so excited about summer with the kids and with friends. I am also excited about these classes that I am taking and that I am that much closer to completing my degree! I have a lot to look forward to and so much to be thankful for!! Life is good!

I miss you...

I really, really do...

Is normal possible?

It is so exhausting staying mad, but I can't help it...I wish that I could. Being sad is too emotionally draining...but I seem to linger in between periods of both feelings with brief spurts of feeling kind of normal and happy (is it really happy though? IDK). It has been nothing but a roller coaster of emotions. I just want to feel completely normal again, but is that even possible? It's been a long time since I have felt normal...what does that even mean? UGH! I wish I could just snap my fingers and undo all that's been done...and go back to...IDK...something that isn't so exhausting or draining...My anxiety has been in high gear and I haven't been able to keep focus...little things keep tripping me up and distracting me. It is very counterproductive and that is exactly where I DON'T need to be right now. Can someone please help me???

HA!

You are full of crap and full of yourself! I am tired of going over in my mind what about what it was that I did wrong...and you know what? I can't find where I went wrong except that I cared TOO MUCH! I had too much invested and that is where I fucked up! I let you make me think that I was doing something wrong when it wasn't me at all. It was YOU the entire time. I swore I would never let anyone do that to me, treat me that way, talk to me like that. I am getting over it all, no matter how painful it is or how long it takes. Everyday that I can get through fighting the urge to think about you or talk to you is a milestone for me. I can't believe I let you get to me like this. But one day I will wake up and there will not be a thought of you in my mind and the piece of my heart that I gave to you and you shattered will be healed over. I believed that we would be a part of each other's lives forever, just like you said, but that was all part of the big lie. I can't believe how blind and stupid I was. One week down and a lifetime to go...