Is normal possible?

It is so exhausting staying mad, but I can't help it...I wish that I could. Being sad is too emotionally draining...but I seem to linger in between periods of both feelings with brief spurts of feeling kind of normal and happy (is it really happy though? IDK). It has been nothing but a roller coaster of emotions. I just want to feel completely normal again, but is that even possible? It's been a long time since I have felt normal...what does that even mean? UGH! I wish I could just snap my fingers and undo all that's been done...and go back to...IDK...something that isn't so exhausting or draining...My anxiety has been in high gear and I haven't been able to keep focus...little things keep tripping me up and distracting me. It is very counterproductive and that is exactly where I DON'T need to be right now. Can someone please help me???