Sunday, November 29, 2009
How sad...
...that I haven't blogged in forever! I always think about it, but when I am able to get around to it, I've either forgotten what I wanted to blog about or when I have the time to sit down I don't feel inspired. Tonight is a strange night for me. I've been sick for the past few days so I have had trouble going to sleep. Lying in bed waiting for sleep to overcome me, my mind just races and boy the things that come to mind!! So I thought I would try to come and put some of those things down. I guess I just feel like I still need to get comfortable posting things and putting them out there and not really caring about what people might think.
So anyway, I think my friends that are Twilight junkies like myself might enjoy this post. Kind of a parallel to my life that I picked up on while reading the book, New Moon. I love the whole series because I really feel like I can relate with the teenage angst that Bella goes through with having these strong feelings for a boy that she knows deep down inside she probably shouldn't have. But it is also that whole Romeo and Juliette...forbidden love. Those of us who are hopeless romantics at heart get sucked into these love stories...believable or not.
Back to the part that really affected me...in the woods when Edward was breaking up with Bella he was very deliberate in what he said to her. He tries to make her angry and convinces her that he no longer wants her. Then he tells her that it would be as if he never existed. WTH!! If only he ripped out her heart so she wouldn't feel him in there right?? So she goes into this stupor, which in the book was so descriptive that I swear I was there with her wandering the forest in the dark getting lost and discouraged but not really caring because I was numb along with Bella. When she is finally at home she is in this major depression (as if I never existed, my ass). She clings to memories of Edward and of course, all traces of him are gone! Pictures, CD's, gone. She had no more tangible mementos of this great love.
So this is where it relates to things in my life...our memories are what we have that proves what happened in the past was real and not imagined. Sometimes when it is something so painful we push those memories out. If we are lucky, we don't have tangible mementos of those things. Tangible being pictures, notes, or cards...anything like that. Sometimes we might come across subtle reminders but are able to disregard them and push them away. Every now and then we might come across something that is not so easy to dismiss. When we reminisce in the past we don't often remember the bad stuff first. We remember all the good then the bad might start to surface because it came out of the good. (How's that for speaking cryptically?) Without getting into too much detail, because most of the details don't matter much anymore. I've recently been catching up with some childhood friends. It's awesome seeing where everyone is at in their lives, where they've been and what not. They are my tangible memories that something both good AND bad happened. Something that I have successfully pushed out for 20+years is now back...I wouldn't go as far as saying haunting me, but more of...Crap this really did happen WTH! A friend asked if I thought they symbolized grief in my past and I said yes. But more than that they symbolized hope toward my later teen years, and even now because we have all been able to connect with these childhood friends that we haven't seen in forever!
So anyway back to the book. Bella figures out a way that she can bring back proof that this great love Edward existed. Our difference here is that I am trying to lay it to rest while she is trying to bring him back. And so life goes on. Reconnecting with these friends and getting to know them is the best way to let all of it go. We are so different from who we were years ago. I've come to realize that all that has happened in the past makes me the person I am today, whether it was good or bad. I am just working on accepting it as it is and just letting the bad go...
So anyway, I think my friends that are Twilight junkies like myself might enjoy this post. Kind of a parallel to my life that I picked up on while reading the book, New Moon. I love the whole series because I really feel like I can relate with the teenage angst that Bella goes through with having these strong feelings for a boy that she knows deep down inside she probably shouldn't have. But it is also that whole Romeo and Juliette...forbidden love. Those of us who are hopeless romantics at heart get sucked into these love stories...believable or not.
Back to the part that really affected me...in the woods when Edward was breaking up with Bella he was very deliberate in what he said to her. He tries to make her angry and convinces her that he no longer wants her. Then he tells her that it would be as if he never existed. WTH!! If only he ripped out her heart so she wouldn't feel him in there right?? So she goes into this stupor, which in the book was so descriptive that I swear I was there with her wandering the forest in the dark getting lost and discouraged but not really caring because I was numb along with Bella. When she is finally at home she is in this major depression (as if I never existed, my ass). She clings to memories of Edward and of course, all traces of him are gone! Pictures, CD's, gone. She had no more tangible mementos of this great love.
So this is where it relates to things in my life...our memories are what we have that proves what happened in the past was real and not imagined. Sometimes when it is something so painful we push those memories out. If we are lucky, we don't have tangible mementos of those things. Tangible being pictures, notes, or cards...anything like that. Sometimes we might come across subtle reminders but are able to disregard them and push them away. Every now and then we might come across something that is not so easy to dismiss. When we reminisce in the past we don't often remember the bad stuff first. We remember all the good then the bad might start to surface because it came out of the good. (How's that for speaking cryptically?) Without getting into too much detail, because most of the details don't matter much anymore. I've recently been catching up with some childhood friends. It's awesome seeing where everyone is at in their lives, where they've been and what not. They are my tangible memories that something both good AND bad happened. Something that I have successfully pushed out for 20+years is now back...I wouldn't go as far as saying haunting me, but more of...Crap this really did happen WTH! A friend asked if I thought they symbolized grief in my past and I said yes. But more than that they symbolized hope toward my later teen years, and even now because we have all been able to connect with these childhood friends that we haven't seen in forever!
So anyway back to the book. Bella figures out a way that she can bring back proof that this great love Edward existed. Our difference here is that I am trying to lay it to rest while she is trying to bring him back. And so life goes on. Reconnecting with these friends and getting to know them is the best way to let all of it go. We are so different from who we were years ago. I've come to realize that all that has happened in the past makes me the person I am today, whether it was good or bad. I am just working on accepting it as it is and just letting the bad go...
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