New Chances

Ok...so I bought this journal a few weeks ago while browsing in Barnes and Noble. I came upon this book while on the phone with my husband crying because I was mourning a choice that we made together that would give us back our lives, seriously. What continues to gnaw at me is that some of the people around us don't realize the sacrifices we've made in the past and continue to downplay our decision. But I digress, I came upon this journal and the first page it opened up to had this Psalm...

"God made my life complete when I placed all the pieces before Him....
God rewrote the text of my life when I opened the book of my heart to His eyes."
Psalm 18:20, 24 The Message

It has two other Bible passages but the journal prompt really got to me as well...
"God puts each fresh morning, each new chance of life, into our hands as a gift."

I knew at that moment that no matter what anyone else thought, the decision that Phillip and I made was the right one for us. We've known for a while now that certain changes in our lives needed to be made. It took a while to realize what those changes needed to be. We see now that the benefit will be to our family and our marriage, rather than to the benefit of others.

We have spent a good portion of the last several years volunteering for different organizations involving our children. We rationalized that we were doing this for our kids...and we really were. It became a burden when we felt like we were doing more for everyone else's children than we were for our own kids. Now, please don't get me wrong. I enjoy being involved in programs for the kids, but it got to the point where no one else was volunteering and it almost became our obligation. It was a difficult decision to step away because of the relationships we've created with other families, but we needed to make a change for our family.

So for now, as I sort through these emotions of letting go and moving forward I anticipate the mornings where I can start the day anew and appreciate the Gifts the God has given me.

I just wanted to share a special moment real quick...Last week I was having an especially hard week with my own children and these outside influences of the "things" I am trying to release. When I go to work, I have to really take a moment to be by myself so that whatever is bothering me doesn't carry on through my day. (BTW, I work with 36 of the most wonderful Kindergartners...truly!) When I went into the hallway to start greeting the many Kindergartners who were sooo excited about the day (Valentine's Day Party!) I was overwhelmed by smiling faces and the ringing of, "Good Morning, Mrs. Rogers!" Even thinking of the moment now brings tears to my eyes. They are truly a reflection of God's never-ending Love!

A cup of frustration, anyone?

Oh yes, I'll take two actually. What a week this has been...and it isn't quite over yet. I am having a week where everything that can go wrong is going wrong...now I know it could be worse and I am thankful that things aren't as bad as they could be, but still...The icing on the cake is that the handle on our truck is broken! We can't open the trunk, argh! That's a problem considering 4 kids and 4 heavy backpacks. Throw in a few carpoolers and the seats get crowded quickly. The kids have been decent sports about this and were looking forward to being able to use the trunk after school until I found out this morning that to repair this pesky problem would cost us $300. Apparently this isn't an unusual problem! Oh how I wish we had automatic lifting doors now!

Well...here's to a relaxing and restful long weekend!

To Blog or Not to Blog...

That is the question...isn't it? For many years I have enjoyed lurking around different blogs. I enjoyed reading about the happenings in other people's lives or just getting insight about the world around them. Seeing the world through someone else's eyes was always interesting to me. Who knows if anyone else will find me as interesting as I find them...I don't know why but that is what has kept me from blogging myself. Self doubt, or the thought that someone might not like what I have to say...'stuff' like that that I know I just need to get over.

In the past week, I've let go of something that has been part of my life for the last 3 years. It was a huge part of my life, even bigger that I thought, because of the friends that I made and because now that I look at my calendar, in essence, with two words (I quit) my calendar cleared and all of these dates that were blacked out before are now wide open. Now just to clarify...I quit weren't specifically the two words I used. I felt the need to go into huge detail and I wanted to be sure to acknowledge all of the people that touched our lives. It wasn't an easy decision, but it was a necessary one...for my sanity, for my family...for myself.

So...now to fill up those empty time slots in my calendar...I felt like I wanted to do something for myself. This is something I have always wanted to do. There is always some emotional release of putting what I am thinking or what I am feeling into words. I've always wondered what it would be like to immerse myself into a world of unknown...and little by little freeing these little pieces of me...