Ok...so I bought this journal a few weeks ago while browsing in Barnes and Noble. I came upon this book while on the phone with my husband crying because I was mourning a choice that we made together that would give us back our lives, seriously. What continues to gnaw at me is that some of the people around us don't realize the sacrifices we've made in the past and continue to downplay our decision. But I digress, I came upon this journal and the first page it opened up to had this Psalm...
"God made my life complete when I placed all the pieces before Him....
God rewrote the text of my life when I opened the book of my heart to His eyes."
Psalm 18:20, 24 The Message
It has two other Bible passages but the journal prompt really got to me as well...
"God puts each fresh morning, each new chance of life, into our hands as a gift."
I knew at that moment that no matter what anyone else thought, the decision that Phillip and I made was the right one for us. We've known for a while now that certain changes in our lives needed to be made. It took a while to realize what those changes needed to be. We see now that the benefit will be to our family and our marriage, rather than to the benefit of others.
We have spent a good portion of the last several years volunteering for different organizations involving our children. We rationalized that we were doing this for our kids...and we really were. It became a burden when we felt like we were doing more for everyone else's children than we were for our own kids. Now, please don't get me wrong. I enjoy being involved in programs for the kids, but it got to the point where no one else was volunteering and it almost became our obligation. It was a difficult decision to step away because of the relationships we've created with other families, but we needed to make a change for our family.
So for now, as I sort through these emotions of letting go and moving forward I anticipate the mornings where I can start the day anew and appreciate the Gifts the God has given me.
I just wanted to share a special moment real quick...Last week I was having an especially hard week with my own children and these outside influences of the "things" I am trying to release. When I go to work, I have to really take a moment to be by myself so that whatever is bothering me doesn't carry on through my day. (BTW, I work with 36 of the most wonderful Kindergartners...truly!) When I went into the hallway to start greeting the many Kindergartners who were sooo excited about the day (Valentine's Day Party!) I was overwhelmed by smiling faces and the ringing of, "Good Morning, Mrs. Rogers!" Even thinking of the moment now brings tears to my eyes. They are truly a reflection of God's never-ending Love!
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Oh my gosh Eileen. I'm so excited that you started blogging. I just found you. Can't believe you didn't tell me!! =0)
ReplyDeleteThis is a lovely post. I'm so glad that you are finding some comfort in the difficult decisions you've had to make. I just want to you to know that, even though I have no clue how hard it must be with 4 kids, I applaud your decision to put your family first. It's a difficult thing to do and often others are not happy about it, but in the end you've always known where your strength comes from, where your energy is most needed / rewarded / cherished / productive.. and that is with Phill, the kids.. your family. It's one of the greatest lessons I've learned from you over the years.
much Love!!!
Oh, and by the way. You write beautifully. I hope this has been a positive experience (blogging) so far because I can tell, you have a lot of wisdom and insight, as well as questions and doubt, to share with us. All of it is touching because we see ourselves in it, and we learn. =0)
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